DEATH WILL COME TO US BUT LET IT COME WITH HONOR. Do not try to make your life suddenly mean something because death frightens you. Let your life be real and filled with love, honor, integrity, and a duty to positively empower others because that is how it should be lived. Let death be the rest we have earned when our work is done not after we have financially raped and socially brutalized all those who were weaker then us or who believed in us.
For most of my life I have been afraid of death. Born and raised a Roman Catholic really did nothing to assure me that there was an existence after death that would allow me to rejoice and celebrate in the presence of God Almighty. Fear still suffocated me for years, especially as I witnessed the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., Medgar Evers, Robert Kennedy and so many more whose faces I remember when my parents marched and they disappeared from the landscape. Then there was the death of my nephews, cousins, and other loved ones who died naturally or were cut down in the streets of New York at young, vibrant ages, most headed to a better life in college or were track stars cut down by police officers who saw them as Black males, and those who died of diseases and illnesses because of our lack of resources. DEATH FRIGHTENED ME no matter how close I tried to get closer to God and then I lost my mother at age 26 years and that sent me into a complete tailspin. I was 26 and she had just turned 49 years of age and she had died of malpractice really after working all of her life to educate her four children and, along with my father, put us in a position to be productive citizens. We knew about racism, nepotism, cronyism, sexism and all the other isms but my parents pushed education down our throats with my older sister even becoming a classical pianist. But you cannot live above hatred no matter how educated you are. You still worry that you will be murdered like a nephew or cousin was, or fall prey to that crazy guy who just is not happy to rape you but must kill you as an added treat.
After working for the politicians and professionals of California’s Antelope Valley (Palmdale / Lancaster, California) I started to see death differently. I had started out as a Black who felt she was privileged and after seeing so much corruption, stealing from children’s public school districts, the mishandling of funds from California State University Northridge, deals, deals, deals everywhere that made men and women in the Antelope Valley rich, I stopped worrying about physical death and started fearing death of my soul and spirit. I remember telling a Lancaster city council member named Rev. Henry Hearns who told me I talked to much, was too vocal an activist, and needed to make money instead of advocating for others, that the only thing any of us have back to God is our soul. I asked him if he still had his because I was intimately involved in all the deals going on with the city of Lancaster regarding land deals, construction deals on projects like the Lancaster City Library, and the Sheriff’s Station. I sat in the corner of rooms in Palmdale when men came in with suitcases full of money and distributed funds to politicians who illegally filled out their political statements for $99 each contribution. I listened as Walmart did deals with big name Real Estate Brokers and money was actually stolen from the Palmdale School District and channeled into the pockets of big name architectural firm like Neptune, Thomas and Davis. And then there were the wife swap parties by the right wing Christians, the buying of whores for politicians, and allowing individuals to write their own RFPs that they would bid on and miraculously win. But these were Caucasian men, stealing from Black and Hispanic children, and buying homes that were not even in the Antelope Valley.
I could not understand where God was in all of this when Black people I went to dissected me in favor of a few crumbs from the mayors’ tables or a house for their churches. I saw social workers who worked for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Families Services ignore the pain of children, slip home from work early, turn their backs on needy children, and use department programs to benefit their own children. I kept asking God why as I sitting here watching all this corruption and greed going on because when I finally did stand up and become a whistleblower, the state and federal government let me down. They let me be tormented, attacked, defend myself in the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, file Qui Tam complaints and yet the government did nothing unless the culprits were from cities like Bell or Compton.
After over twenty years of watching one of the most prominent aerospace cities spring like a phoenix from the ashes and produced lucrative bank accounts and extensive real estate holding for a few men and women, I have learned not to resentful because the local, state, and national government tried to allow these criminal types to try to bury me and harm my family. I have learned to harness that sense of indignation and pray that God will intercede when He alone decides that debt must be paid to me and all the other advocates and activists who suffered chilling fates. I have learned to pace myself. I do not care about a statute of limitations if this deceptive mayor. or that unscrupulous and greedy school district superintendent padded her nest, or that city manager got a golden parachute deal for $1 million dollars or so walked away and kept his lips zipped. I do not care if city council members rolled over millions and millions of redevelopment bonds to buy that house or houses out of town, or paid for the silence of judges and prosecutors. I am not upset that a Superior Court judge in Los Angeles wrote in a public transcript that he could not understand what was going on in the Michael Antonovich “hanging courthouse” in Lancaster, California starting with the Sheriff’s department to the District Attorney’s Office to the judges to whomever else put together a case he had to throw out after the prosecution from Lancaster (the AKA Antelope Valley Plantation) sent the bogus case down to him.
What I do care about is that I have a story to tell to AMERICA ABOUT MEN LIKE DONALD TRUMP WHO JUST HAPPEN TO EXIST ON A LOCAL LEVEL AND SUCK THE MONEY OUT OF OUR COMMUNITIES ALL ACROSS AMERICA. They have the same arrogant attitudes as Donald Trump, the same sense of entitlement because the color of their skins in WHITE, and they have the same sense of entitlement because they see themselves as intellectually superior to non-whites. They call themselves CHRISTIANS as if being a Christian makes them superior to a Muslim or member of Islam or Jew or any other group, quickly forgetting how many deaths and butchery and slaughtering has happened under that cloak of Christianity.
I believe in God and I respect the beliefs of others whose mission is to do good in the lives of others. I believe in uplifting and empowering others. I believe that DEATH IS A PART OF LIFE AND THAT WE CANNOT FEAR DEATH OTHERWISE WE WILL NEVER APPRECIATE LIFE.